because I was afraid of being alone with two children, without parents, a husband or support. I already had one child and my husband didn't want a second. I panicked.
Giving birth at home and putting the baby in a baby flap never even crossed my mind. If there were complications, somebody had to be there for the child. I called the support hotline on a number of occasions. The female counsellor explained how an anonymous birth worked. She gave me a lot of courage. The newborn was placed in the care of a foster family following the birth. I really struggled to start with; I was just trying to get by from one day to the next. I went to visit my daughter as often as I could and had to cry a lot. I really didn't want to let her go any more.
A few months after the birth I couldn't bear it any more. I had to tell my husband. He was shocked, but we went to see the foster parents together so we could visit the baby. Then we made the decision to take him home with us. I was happy that I did not have to keep it a secret any longer, even if it was sometimes hard for my husband and the family.
I am very grateful to the counsellor and the people in the clinic, grateful that people I did not know were there for me to say ‘you can do it!’, ‘we will manage it. Whatever decision you make, we are behind you.’ I’m grateful that you get so much recognition, are encouraged and respected, even though you do not know if what you are doing is right or wrong. That you have the offer ‘we are there for you, so that you have support.’